So here’s the deal: Lately, I have started to write on the blog and I get this weird feeling about the whole ordeal and end up scrapping my post. So for the first time, in a long time, I am going to let me feelings flow and not press cancel.

I think I might just hate the person whom I have become. I think about the free spirit that I once was. There was a time when I didn’t give a fuck what anyone thought about me. All I was concerned about is getting out there and having a great time. The truth is though, I don’t know fun.

When I sit and think about what it is that I like to do, I can’t say anything. What are my hobbies? I don’t think I have any. I just get by every day trying to maintain. It feels like I am stuck. Some days are awesome, but then the next can be horrible.

I guess I am too uptight and don’t know how to manage it. It was my time to schedule vacation at work and I couldn’t figure out when to take time off. Who has a hard time taking vacation? I don’t want to take it because I know I will end up sitting at home, alone, with nothing to do. Who wants to take a week away from people to be alone? Not me.

I need a vacation from me–The person I have become. I can’t do anything right and it makes me feel bad. I try to do the best at my job yet I find that I can’t produce. I want to show that I’m the best and yet I can’t do it.

I don’t think I’m good enough for Rudy anymore. I feel like his life is taking off and I’m just a weight that is going to hold him back. I’m just the lowly little bank teller who isn’t going anywhere in life. Maybe someday my life will fix itself. I don’t know. I try and fall over and over.

I just feel like I’m running out of options. In the end though, I’m not looking for sympathy or kind words. I just needed to put out there how I feel.

Last week I decided that I was going to get my ass in gear and get back on Weight Watchers. Well, a week has passed since I first weighed in and now it was time again today. I started at 282 and am now at 277. That’s 5 pounds this week. =)

So I was on here earlier writing but I ended up scraping it. I don’t know how often I come here to write a post but end up deleting it. It feels like nothing I write is ever good enough anymore. I miss my early days.

My advice to anyone is to make sure you read those little disclosures they are mailing out. I am about to mail off my second rejection letter of the year already. Two of my creditors want to raise the rates on my cards. Chase mailed and wants to raise it 5%! I have 8.99%, a good rate for me, but they want to give me prime+9.99% which is 13.99% right now.

Watch out for the letters and make sure you reject them. You can keep your old rate as long as you reject any changes they mail you.

“We are sending you this notice to let you know that we will be making some changes to your credit card account in response to market conditions and to maintain profitability on your account. ” –YEAH RIGHT

So the wrong image comes up with a product name, but the image actually fits if you think about it.

Man this sucks. I hate when we have to “fall back” because now it is way dark way early. It’s pitch black outside and it’s 6. There’s no time to do anything at night anymore. I am so ready to get started on all my Christmas stuff and what not. It’s getting close to Christmas Lights time. I’m really excited about that part.

I sure wish we could just get rid of stupid falling back and springing forward. I like it dark in the morning and light at night. That’s how it should always be!

If George W. Bush dressed in drag… Continue reading →

Wouldn’t it be neat if you could send a special text message to anyone and see how you are stored in their phone? I’d love to see how people save me in their phone. You know someone surely has me as something crazy but wouldn’t admit to it.

Random.

This is really an awesome browser. I can’t wait until they come out with the OS X version. Google has done a great job with this. If you have XP/Vista, you’ve gotta give it a try.

So last night I learned what it takes to fuck me up big time. I came home and passed out and then I woke up and ran to my porcelain friend. It is now past noon and I am still not feeling too keen.

3 Hurricanes. 1 Friday’s Mojito Shaker. 2 Jager Bombs.

That’s what it takes to make me beg for mercy.