Meet Ryan

I’m still alive and kicking in this world. I heard the rapture is coming in 2012 so I’m going to live it up until then. In other news, I was just reading an article about a student who shared 30 songs several years back on Kazaa. Well, the case has been going on for a long time in court and evidently he now has to pay the RIAA $675,000 for those 30 songs.

Isn’t that awesome? If I had no expense what-so-ever and could give them my entire gross annual salary, I couldn’t pay that amount off in 21 years. What’s wrong with America? I gotta go with the folks over at God Hates Fags and say that God isn’t exactly raining his blessings down upon this nation. Read the article for full details.

There once was a time where I had no problem coming home, sitting down and making a blog post. Now, I come home and want to make a blog post but I can’t write about anything. I like to talk about my work but I can’t put anything about work at all on here as it would be confidentiality issues and stuff.

However, we could talk about kickboxing. I went tonight and it was wonderful. I’m so glad that I’ve started going back to the gym to the classes and stuff. I just saw some pictures of me and I really look like a pig so I’ve decided that I had better start and take some steps to reduce that. I’m getting to be pretty darn good at kickboxing. I don’t know if I will ever get good enough at it that I could do the full contact stuff. Would be a nice goal though.

I’m actually pretty darn sleepy as of right now so I guess I’m done writing for now. I’m going to keep making updates though. My 3 year old blog begs for attention.

Too bad we don’t all look like this when we play poker.

Welcome to the new home of Don’t Laugh at Me. I’ve had sparkeh.com for a long time now, but I’ve decided to snatch up this domain since I saw it was expiring.

It will be much easier for me to tell people the address now. I do, however, plan to keep sparkeh.com as well. I will probably just keep both domains and they will both go to the same place.

Let’s be honest people. This is the most retarded song ever. How did Helen Keller talk with her hips? She used her hands to sign language. If this is where music is headed, I’m scared.

I just got one of the most unusual IMs I’ve ever received. I know there are bots out there, but in this economy, this one communicates a message that makes you a little uneasy.

— 5/15/2009 —
RecycledCoho (4:58 PM):
This is an automated message, which your employer has chosen to distribute via Coho bot. You have been laid off. Do not come to work in the future, as you are no longer employed.

Anyone else receive a message like this? I actually IM’d the screenname back and it comes back and tells me it is some guy named Jose. I don’t know if it’s a bot or this RecycledCoho is actually some kind of thing that relays between random screennames and this guy and I just happened to get linked somehow. Random!

So this week I am on vacation. So far, it has been a productive week for me. I went to the doctor on Monday for the pain I’ve been having in my knee. His opinion is that I’m having some kind of inflammation in the knee and that there are no other issues. They took an X-Ray and everything looked to be fine and my movements don’t hurt unless there is kneeling. So I’m on some anti-inflammatory medication that will hopefully cause everything to go back to normal. If not, it’s on to an MRI to find out what else could be the issue.

Today, I helped my grandpa clean out his barn/shed at his house. I got up on the second level and took everything out and swept it all clean. He had the shed built back in the 80s and has never cleaned up there since. I found a dead rat carcass that had probably been up there for years. It was really weird looking. Like a skeleton only. However, we were able to clean everything out and throw out years worth of things that they never were going to use ever again.

Tomorrow, if the rain holds off long enough, the people are coming to redo our awning over the back patio area. The first installer didn’t do it right and it ended up blowing up during a good wind. Well, that bent the material but he came back and put it back using the bent material. So we had a leaky dang patio cover so the company is sending some other guy to come and take it down and start from scratch, with new material, and do it right.

I think I might be hanging out with Britney tomorrow, whom I have not seen in ages. I don’t know if we are or though cause we were planning on the beach action, but it really looks like rain. I think I might spend the day cleaning up my room. I really want to paint the room, but I don’t know. I need to stain all my furniture so that it all matches. Sounds like I have quite a plan sometime. The only thing I hate is that my room is so small. I just don’t have room for anything.

I have a strategy to get out of debt in the next year or so and I will hopefully be able to explore the idea of living on my own. I’m afraid that the strategy may include me working a second job, for part-time. I just need a gig that would be like 3 nights a week for a few hours. Use my second check just to pay bills. I’ll have to see though…I just don’t know if I’m ready to go back to working ’til late at night.

We shall see where the path takes me. On a different note though: I’m glad to see that I’m back on the blog. I am going to strive to post more often here. It’s hard for me to sit and do it though. I’m going to dedicate myself back to it. If I ever get daily again, it will be a miracle.

So here’s the deal: Lately, I have started to write on the blog and I get this weird feeling about the whole ordeal and end up scrapping my post. So for the first time, in a long time, I am going to let me feelings flow and not press cancel.

I think I might just hate the person whom I have become. I think about the free spirit that I once was. There was a time when I didn’t give a fuck what anyone thought about me. All I was concerned about is getting out there and having a great time. The truth is though, I don’t know fun.

When I sit and think about what it is that I like to do, I can’t say anything. What are my hobbies? I don’t think I have any. I just get by every day trying to maintain. It feels like I am stuck. Some days are awesome, but then the next can be horrible.

I guess I am too uptight and don’t know how to manage it. It was my time to schedule vacation at work and I couldn’t figure out when to take time off. Who has a hard time taking vacation? I don’t want to take it because I know I will end up sitting at home, alone, with nothing to do. Who wants to take a week away from people to be alone? Not me.

I need a vacation from me–The person I have become. I can’t do anything right and it makes me feel bad. I try to do the best at my job yet I find that I can’t produce. I want to show that I’m the best and yet I can’t do it.

I don’t think I’m good enough for Rudy anymore. I feel like his life is taking off and I’m just a weight that is going to hold him back. I’m just the lowly little bank teller who isn’t going anywhere in life. Maybe someday my life will fix itself. I don’t know. I try and fall over and over.

I just feel like I’m running out of options. In the end though, I’m not looking for sympathy or kind words. I just needed to put out there how I feel.

Last week I decided that I was going to get my ass in gear and get back on Weight Watchers. Well, a week has passed since I first weighed in and now it was time again today. I started at 282 and am now at 277. That’s 5 pounds this week. =)

So I was on here earlier writing but I ended up scraping it. I don’t know how often I come here to write a post but end up deleting it. It feels like nothing I write is ever good enough anymore. I miss my early days.